thirty dialogues bleed into one

stfuparents:

MommyJacking

While I love the brevity of this exchange, I’ll admit I was a little disappointed that the conversation didn’t continue before it was sent my way. I can just imagine how the rest of it might have played out…

Sade: My baby rolled over when he was five weeks old!

Kaliq: My baby did that on his second day of life, just after using a straw for the first time.

Sade: But did your baby do a cartwheel as he exited your womb? Mine did that. #TeamAVAK

Kaliq: Cartwheels were too banal for my baby, who is a yoga enthusiast. He came out of the womb in Child’s Pose.

Sade: Oh really? Well whoop-dee-fuckin’-doo, isn’t he so amazing? He should get an award for being so advanced.

Kaliq: He did. The hospital issued us a certificate claiming that he was the calmest, smartest and most alert baby they’d ever seen. We framed and hung it above his top-of-the-line bassinet.

Sade: Get the hell off my wall, Kaliq.

Related: Our Kids Are Awesome 

(submitted by Anonymous)

(Source: stfuparents)